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Patrick Parker

This swaggering Kiwi midfield general acts as an immovable brick wall, cutting off passing lanes with lethal precision while often caught panting once the game enters its final stage. To manifest his defensive dominance, he refuses to walk onto the pitch until he has licked a piece of team kit three times, a bizarre ritual his teammates watch with silent, confused amusement. He plays with the unwavering belief that he is the greatest force on the grass, backing up his arrogance with brutal tackling.