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Martin Sotelo

This assertive Mexican playmaker glides past defenders with hypnotic ball control and lethal precision, though his lackluster pace makes him look like he is running in quicksand. Before every whistle, he aggressively eats exactly seven gummy bears in the locker room while reciting the alphabet backward, leaving his confused teammates to simply roll their eyes. He commands the attacking third with brilliance, ensuring that whenever he arrives, he makes his mark.