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Yosyp Boiko

This lightning-fast Ukrainian winger dances past defenders with breathtaking dribbling, though his heavy frame makes him prone to falling over at the slightest breeze. Before every match, he meticulously braids his teammate's shoelaces together in the locker room, claiming it binds their victory, while the rest of the squad simply sighs and grabs their spare pairs. He carries himself with a swagger that screams superstar, firmly believing he is the only reason the pitch exists.