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Antonio Malmström

This cocky Swedish midfielder defies gravity with a vertical leap that makes defenders look like toddlers, though he hilariously insists on heading every ball with his shoulder instead of his forehead. He weaves through traffic with blistering speed, famously once dribbling past an entire opposing bus to prove a point before kickoff. While his stamina is average, he spends most of his energy gloating about his skills while the match is still active.