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Joost Kumar

This assertive Dutch powerhouse dominates the midfield with terrifying aerial prowess and brute strength, even if his heavy first touch often turns simple plays into bruising scraps. Before every match, he meticulously eats exactly seven cold Brussels sprouts in the locker room, a bizarre ritual that leaves his teammates both horrified and silent. He remains a fearless force, unbothered by his lack of speed as he launches himself into every duel like a wrecking ball.