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Ada Mullins

This fiery American center-back dominates opponents with tireless stamina and surgical tackling precision, despite a klutzy inability to connect on simple headers. Before every match, she forces her teammates to meticulously braid her shoelaces, a bizarre ritual that leaves the rest of the squad just shaking their heads. With a heart of steel, she compensates for her lack of acceleration by serving as an impenetrable wall on the pitch.