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Rasul Ergashyev

This Uzbekistan lightning bolt owns the wing with his terrifying acceleration and slide tackles so precise he once famously rescued a lost wedding ring from a pitch-side drain mid-match. Though he is an absolute terror defensively, he consistently misses every single header due to his inexplicable fear of closing his eyes before contact. He is a friendly force of nature whose relentless aggression leaves opponents baffled yet impressed.