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Nicolaos Neocleous

This flamboyant Cypriot defensive general dominates the pitch with phenomenal sliding tackle technique, even if he is as hopeless in the air as he is static in a sprint. Before every match, he forces his teammates to synchronously stomp on his boots for three minutes to induce 'defensive luck,' leaving the rest of the squad utterly baffled yet compliant. Despite his lack of pace, his immense defensive intelligence and raw aggression make him a nearly impossible obstacle to overcome.