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Doris Strobel

This lightning-fast German tower patrols the backline with an infuriating swagger, often stopping to tie her laces mid-breakaway just to prove she can still catch the striker. While her aerial dominance and clinical tackling are elite, her lack of passing finesse is a comedic disaster that she simply refuses to acknowledge. She once told a frustrated opposing captain that if he wanted the ball back, he would need to file a formal request in triplicate.