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Joris Martineau

This flamboyant French wing-back terrorizes wings with lightning speed and lethal aggression, though his surprisingly frail frame often leaves him bullied in physical duels. Before kickoff, he ritualistically buffs his studs with expensive perfume to sharpen his senses, leaving his bewildered teammates constantly ducking from the cloud of designer scent. He is a defensive force who strikes with predatory instinct, even if he often forgets to actually tackle.