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Andy Hammer

A lightning-fast midfield engine, he dictates play with fierce aggression but notoriously struggles to head a ball even in open space. Before every whistle, he must aggressively polish his left boot with a handful of artisanal sourdough crust, leaving his teammates both disgusted and accustomed to the greasy ritual. He carries an arrogant swagger onto the pitch, fueled by endless stamina and a sprint speed that makes defenders look like they are standing still.