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Sam Gomez

This Mexican defensive midfielder dominates the pitch with ferocious aggression and brute physical strength, even if he is comically ineffective in the air. Before every match, he insists on coating his teammates' boots with sparkly hairspray to "blind the spirits," a ritual that leaves his locker room teammates perpetually exasperated. He masks his lack of explosive acceleration with a brilliant defensive IQ and an iron-clad commitment to every challenge.