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Robson Roche

This flamboyant English wing-back is a defensive mastermind who defies gravity with his leaping ability, though he seemingly possesses a comedic allergy to connecting with headers. His blistering acceleration allows him to dominate the flank, a skill honed after he once bizarrely challenged a police car to a race as a reckless teenager. His tactical genius is unmatched on the pitch, even if he remains entirely hopeless at putting his forehead on the ball.