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Bram van Ewijk

This flamboyant Dutch center-back dominates the air and stonewalls strikers with flair, though his lack of stamina often leaves him gasping by the final whistle. Before kickoff, he religiously insists on buffing his boots with a slice of cucumber to "ensure a slick escape from pressure," leaving his teammates both baffled and slightly hungry. He remains an unstoppable force whose speed and anticipation make him the flashiest anchor in the defense.