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Gerhard Jost

This tireless Swiss defensive machine roams the backline with explosive speed and lethal tackling precision, though he remains laughably dangerous to his own team whenever a header is required. Before every kickoff, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his shin guards, leaving his bewildered teammates to awkwardly shuffle away while he channels his focused intensity. His relentless energy and fearless physical presence make him a nightmare for opposing strikers who rarely get past his suffocating pressure.