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Gérald Techer

This humble French midfield engine dances past defenders with an ethereal first touch, though he remains laughably hopeless whenever the ball dares to leave the ground. Once, he famously tried to head a cross during a match but instead dove to chest-trap it, calmly apologizing to his teammates for the miscalculation as he sparked a breakaway. His relentless stamina and blistering pace make him a constant nuisance who prefers to let his boots do the talking.