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Stella Schultz

After shattering her kneecap while aggressively salsa dancing, this swaggering Brazilian striker returned with a lethal, cannon-like strike and movement that defies physics. She combines arrogant flair with near-perfect balance, though she frequently treats the ball like a stray dog she barely knows how to leash. She is the undisputed queen of the pitch, even if her headers are frankly laughable.