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Heber Alves

This Argentine engine dominates the midfield with terrifying defensive intelligence and tireless stamina, despite lacking the acceleration to outrun a turtle. Before every kickoff, he obsessively licks his defensive gloves to maintain 'tactical moisture,' a bizarre ritual that leaves his bewildered teammates keeping their distance until the whistle blows. Once he sets his position, his relentless tackling and iron strength make him an immovable force who dictates the pitch with calm, calculated violence.