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Walter Schenk

This Swiss defensive titan combines raw strength with explosive speed, even though he suffers from a bizarre and total inability to connect with headers. Before every kick-off, he forces teammates to watch him devour a raw carrot in ten seconds, a quirk they eye-roll at before he proceeds to dominate the air with gravity-defying leaps. His charismatic aggression and relentless tackling style make him an imposing force that refuses to surrender a single inch.