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Nick O'Neill

Towering over the pitch, this Scottish titan is a defensive artist whose precision in tackling is matched only by his struggle to maintain peak energy for ninety minutes. He meticulously brushes his shinguards with a silk toothbrush before every kick-off to ensure a clean slate, a quirky ritual that leaves his teammates both baffled and endearingly amused. Despite his lack of brute strength, he elegantly glides across the turf to shut down attackers with surgical efficiency.