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Hovo Johnson

Standing at a massive 195cm, this friendly giant glides past defenders with ballerina-like grace before launching himself into the stratosphere to score headers. He once famously mastered a bicycle kick in a youth tournament while snacking on a pirozhki, though his leisurely acceleration often leaves teammates waiting at the other end of the pitch. While his aerial dominance is peerless, his shot power remains shockingly polite for a striker of his stature.