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Maria Hoareau

Towering over defenders with effortless skill, she treats the pitch like her private runway and rarely misses from distance despite her chaotic, zero-filter decision-making. Once, she famously dribbled through an entire squad just to pull a comb out of her socks and fix her hair before hammering a screamer into the top corner. She is arguably the most electrifying striker in the game, provided you can handle her immense ego and the fact that she often forgets where she put the ball.