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Joe Romão

This flamboyant Portuguese marksman terrorizes defenses with blistering pace and a thunderous strike that could punch through a brick wall, though he remains utterly hopeless in the air. His flair is legendary, dating back to when he famously dyed his boots neon gold before a cup final, only to be subbed off after refusing to stop pirouetting past defenders. Despite his refusal to head a ball even if his life depended on it, his balance and clinical touch make him a nightmare to contain.