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Maya Coppola

Towering and flamboyant, this Italian striker uses her immense power to terrorize defenses while balancing like a ballerina, despite her hilariously clunky first touch. Before every kickoff, she insists on eating exactly three raw almonds while whistling the national anthem, leaving her confused teammates to awkwardly shuffle around her during warmups. She possesses an unstoppable aerial threat and rocket of a shot, provided she doesn't get tangled in her own feet first.