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Arsenio Reales

A flamboyant whirlwind on the wing, this Argentinian defender terrorizes attackers with lightning pace and aggressive tackling while famously refusing to head the ball because he doesn't want to ruin his perfectly gelled hair. Though his aerial presence is non-existent, he compensates by tirelessly sprinting up and down the flank to disrupt plays with sharp, artistic precision. He once got himself booked for performing a choreographed tango routine right in front of a baffled referee after a perfect slide tackle.