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Stoyan Hayat

A defensive titan with near-impenetrable tackling, he rules the backline with an insufferable, supreme confidence despite being hilariously allergic to winning aerial duels. He ensures victory by aggressively humming circus music into his shin guards before kickoff, leaving his teammates both deeply unsettled and constantly amused by the spectacle. Though his sprint speed won't win any races, he reads the game with surgical precision to mask his frantic attempts at heading the ball.