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Sizwe Pretorius

Towering at two meters, this South African shot-stopper is a colossus with world-class reflexes and vacuum-like hands, though he often looks like a lost tourist when organizing his defense. To get in the zone, he insists on whispering bedtime stories to his goalposts for ten minutes before kickoff, leaving his bewildered teammates to awkwardly watch from the sidelines. Despite his frantic and uncoordinated positioning, his physical presence is truly a force of nature.