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Anne-Marie Lutz

Standing tall and silent on the pitch, this Swiss striker relies on pure explosive speed and thunderous finishing to devastate defenses, though she occasionally tumbles over her own feet like a newborn giraffe. Her reserved demeanor belies a cold-blooded killer at the penalty spot, a trait perfected years ago when she supposedly settled a local youth dispute by cannoning a ball into the goalie’s lunchbox from forty yards out. Despite her elite power, her shaky balance remains a hilarious reminder that she is human.