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Andrews Donkor

This towering Ghanaian striker shatters defenses with blistering acceleration and explosive power, despite having a first touch that can be laughably inconsistent. Before kickoff, he obsessively whispers lullabies to his shin guards, a bizarre ritual his teammates watch with a mixture of bewilderment and forced tolerance. He is a lethal finisher, though his aerial game is tragically hindered by his complete inability to get off the ground.