Peter Miccoli

This devastating Italian striker relies on explosive acceleration and a killer instinct to humiliate defenders despite his chronic inability to dribble in tight spaces. Before every match, he insists on having his boots polished solely by the third-string goalkeeper, a ridiculous ritual that leaves his teammates bewildered yet amused by his soaring arrogance. His ego is matched only by his fearsome shot power, which almost always finds the back of the net.