Mike Lane

This American striker dazzles with explosive speed and lethal attacking intelligence, even though his clumsy turning often leaves his teammates tearing their hair out. He insists on covering his laces in an absurd amount of glitter before every match, a flamboyant ritual that leaves the squad shaking their heads in bemused silence. Despite his complete lack of aerial prowess, his flashy flair and clinical finishing make him an unstoppable force on the pitch.