Kyle Stevens

Towering over defenders with cat-like agility, this striker believes he is the greatest force on the pitch even when his header timing proves disastrously erratic. After shattering his humerus while arm-wrestling an alpaca, he transformed his rehab into a lethal training regimen that only amplified his already massive, arrogant hunger for goals. His dazzling footwork and clinical finishing make him unstoppable, though he remains entirely convinced he doesn't need to pass.