Stefan Paluch

This Polish full-back is an aerodynamic powerhouse, boasting breathtaking leaping ability and tireless stamina that make him a wall in every challenge, even if his poor blocking positioning occasionally induces heart attacks. To stay focused, he insists on meticulously slicing a single green apple into exactly twelve equal pieces before kickoff, a ritual his teammates have learned to ignore with a roll of the eyes. His slide tackle timing is ruthless, even if he surprisingly lacks the sheer physical intensity one might expect from his sturdy frame during defensive phases.