Danijel Lazar

This humble Slovenian engine dominates the midfield with terrifying aerial aggression and elite closing speed, despite a clumsy first touch that makes him look like a bull in a china shop. To stay focused, he insists on buttering his left boot exactly three times before every kickoff, a bizarre ritual his teammates greet with head-shaking amusement. He is an indefatigable force who might trip over his own laces, yet still ends up winning every header in sight.