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Lionel Pimentel

This tireless Portuguese engine dominates the midfield with elite touch and explosive pace, though he remarkably never challenges for an aerial ball due to a bizarre phobia of clouds. He prepares for every kick-off by meticulously reorganizing his teammates' shin guards by color, leaving them baffled but appreciative of his eerily calm focus. His dribbling magic is undeniable, but good luck convincing him to go up for a header when he’s busy staring at the sky.