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Leonel Carpio

This Argentine defensive powerhouse dominates the midfield with a suffocating, clinical tackling style that masks his hilariously pathetic heading ability. He swears by the bizarre superstition of taping exactly three raw chickpeas to his boots before kickoff, a ritual that has his teammates rolling their eyes in disbelief. He thrives on being the most arrogant force on the pitch, constantly reminding rivals that the ball only leaves their feet when he says so.