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Walison Barboza

Towering and remarkably composed, this Brazilian guardian is an aerial fortress who can dive across the entire goal with balletic precision, though he often looks utterly lost during penalty kicks. To center himself, he insists on loudly whispering bedtime stories to the goalposts ten minutes before kickoff, leaving his bewildered teammates to awkwardly tiptoe around him. While his reflexes are occasionally human, his raw physical dominance makes him a nightmare for opposing strikers.