Elina Bergh

Towering between the sticks, this Swedish wall defies physics with god-like reflexes, though her insufferable ego often leads her to taunt strikers mid-match. She once famously dribbled past three confused opponents just to kick the ball into the stands, only to spend the remaining minutes mocking their amateur footwork. While her shot-stopping is otherworldly, her absolute refusal to pass to defenders who 'don't understand her genius' is the only thing slower than her lightning-fast hands.