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Konstantinos Lamprou

This friendly Greek marksman combines an elite, rocket-powered strike with a velvety first touch, though his tendency to wander means he often forgets where the goal actually is. Before every kickoff, he meticulously braids the corner flag with grass to harness earth energy, leaving his teammates both baffled and slightly terrified by his focus. Despite his clunky acceleration, when the ball finds his feet in the box, the net is usually doomed.