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Aureliano Paiva

This friendly Portuguese powerhouse is a defensive wrecking ball who dominates attackers with fierce tackles and an unwavering engine, though he mysteriously struggles to time his headers. To center himself, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his shin guards before kickoff, leaving his bewildered teammates to awkwardly try and ignore the spectacle. He remains an elite force of nature, balancing his intimidating physical grit with a heart of gold.