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Geoffrey Schuurmans

This Dutch powerhouse dominates the midfield with terrifying intensity, though his clunky first touch often forces him to rely on pure grit to recover possession. Before every whistle, he insists on silently whispering his life secrets to a rubber duck in his locker, a ritual that leaves his bewildered teammates struggling to suppress their giggles. His relentless stamina ensures he is the engine of the pitch, even if his sluggish acceleration means he prefers power over grace.