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Aleksandr Bischoff

This two-meter German titan commands his area with impeccable reflexes, though he has a frustrating tendency to parry easy catches when he loses concentration. To stay focused, he insists on whispering cheesy jokes to his left goalpost before every kickoff, a bizarre ritual his teammates just accept with resigned sighs. Armed with contagious charisma, he orchestrates his defense like a conductor leading an epic orchestra.