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Tomek Steffens

This fiery German marksman tears through defensive lines with lightning acceleration and clinical finishing, though his abysmal jumping ability leaves him useless in an aerial duel. To steady his nerves, he insists on loudly reciting nursery rhymes to his left boot before kickoff, a bizarre ritual that has his confused teammates carefully steering clear of him in the tunnel. Despite his frantic approach, his sheer attacking intelligence ensures he always knows exactly where the back of the net is waiting.