Silas Gaspar

This charismatic Brazilian midfield maestro dominates the pitch with an elite defensive IQ and impenetrable jockeying, though his lethargic sprint speed leaves him stranded if he is caught out of position. Before every kickoff, he obsessively insists on balancing a single unpeeled banana on his forehead to align his chakras, leaving his baffled teammates to simply shake their heads as he remains perfectly zen. He is a rock-solid wall of composure, providing a tactical anchor despite his unconventional game-day rituals.