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Ioan Letellier

As a defensive absolute barrier, he suffocates the pitch with peerless anticipation and tackling prowess, his sluggish top speed doing nothing to dampen his insufferable swagger. He is strictly superstitious about crunching exactly three ice-cold carrots before kickoff, a ritual his teammates mockingly call his rocket fuel. This intoxicating blend of arrogance and efficiency makes him a terrifying commander in front of the back line.