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Joshua Petry

As a defensive midfielder, he operates as an immovable aerial fortress with the power to pulverize any attack, though his comical incompetence with slide tackles keeps every match dangerously exciting. To prove his untouchable ego, he once celebrated a training ground goal by performing a handstand on the opposing manager's bench. His cocky aura combined with unmatched heading ability makes him the most infuriatingly dominant presence on the pitch.