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Jhon DI Marco

Standing tall, this flamboyant Italian defender combines masterclass positioning with savage slide tackles, though he moves with the blistering urgency of a sunbathing turtle. Before every kickoff, he insists on loudly reciting Shakespearean sonnets to his shin guards, leaving his teammates both deeply embarrassed and terrified to interrupt him. His defensive mastery is legendary, provided you don't expect him to win a footrace against anyone younger than fifty.