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Ringo Heidemann

With an arrogant swagger, this German playmaker turns defenders into spectators using his sublime touch and lethal long-range accuracy. He is notoriously lazy off the ball, yet he manages to dominate by obsessively eating a single lukewarm blueberry muffin before every kickoff, a ritual that leaves his bewildered teammates constantly checking their gear for crumbs. His technical brilliance is undeniable, even if his defensive work rate suggests he is physically allergic to tracking back.