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Cunha Homem

This lightning-fast Portuguese powerhouse dominates the flank with an unmatched defensive IQ and pure physicality, though his surprising inability to jump often leaves his teammates howling. He ritualistically demands they tape a single sprig of parsley to his left boot before kickoff to manifest clean sheets. While his squad mocks the herb-infused footwear, they simply cannot argue with the resulting clean tackles and lockdown performances.