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Hanne Bertram

This humble German powerhouse dominates the midfield with elite close control and sudden bursts of speed, though she often finds herself gassed before the final whistle. Known for a surreal habit of bringing a small stress ball to practice, she once expertly dribbled it past a startled squirrel during a team hike just to prove her technique. Despite her physical gifts and tenacious style, she famously lacks a killer instinct and remains far too polite to ever commit a cynical foul.